Topic Proportions

Topic Percent
humor
67.99%
death notices
4.29%
groceries
3.96%
for hire and wanted ads
3.63%
casualties
3.3%
articles that list places
2.31%
poetry and patriotism
1.65%
Confederate states
1.65%
clothing ads
1.32%
articles that list people, esp. marriage notices
1.32%
ads--medicine, substitutes, wanted, etc.
0.99%
elections
0.99%
military orders, e.g. conscriptions
0.99%
war bonds
0.66%
military campaigns
0.66%
trade
0.66%
weather
0.66%
military orders to report
0.66%
war reports
0.33%
religion
0.33%
court proceedings
0.33%
hospitals
0.33%
entertainment and culture
0.33%
North
0.33%
deserters
0.33%
From the Fri., Dec. 27, 1861 issue


O, snaik, enkwoyled undurneeth youn log,
Er sleapin for ther wintur ! Kent yew waik,
And tern on yer uther side, a ditrech, and garp,
And maik a fresh knapp uv it ? Or, must yew
Sleap on a flatnin to the yerth, lyke a
Neglektid pincaik a cookin on wun side,
Wish noe wanter tern it ! Neow, if I wer yew,
And yew wur moe, then ther wur er snaik thair
Wad hav the roomytikezum; and I wudn't
Pay yer doctur's bills and opidelidock fur shoogur.

Wel, yew is er sarpint! Tho yew lye
So kam and sleapy neow, in summur tyme
Yew curts up shindess is the smollin kegtree.
Er whiselin Dixse ier the unkonshus gozlens;
At robin berds' nests in ther peesful wuds,
And sisain at ther yewthful niggers whenn
Tha gose down to the whyte-oke spring for warter.
Makin em tair ther shurt tales. Yelt, tha say
Yew is er fassynatin sawt uv creetur
With them brite ize uv yurn; and shure enuff,
yew fassynadd our furst parients,
Adoum and Eave, eleen owt of Parryclee,
And got em inter trubbal. But tha wus green,
And diedont nos the will lyse lyse yew and mee.

Er neow, O, snulk, yew haz but plezzent dreems,
And sore on phansee to yer higher mashun
Ef yew cnd ownly dream yew wos ropped upp
In blankits, and yer awetehart buggin yew,
Or yew wos or ackun peenuts with the gals;
Or yew wos on er spree with uthur shair;
With bott rum punch and gad seegars er plentee,
And winniu uthur snalacs swaete spondewilks,
With alots in yer hapde; then, arfrur awl,
It woodent be soe badd er sleapin heer
Owt in the kolde.

But ef, olde felier, yew shud hev the khight-mair
While in this fyx-ef it shud I seam ter yew
A waggia-lode uv wittles had got stawed
In yew a-other; or au ellyfant
Wus a trenddin on yer toze, and wuddent git off;
Or a meen olde goaste wus a skeerin yew;
Or yew was kort Benseth er pressapiss,
And cuddeat budje; thenn I wuddens bee a snalk,
The I cud sleap lyke you, without snawrin,
The winter threw

But harke, olde snalk, I heer er hogg er gruntin
In the soroundin wuds. I tel yew what,
Ef yew doant mezey, hee I cum upp er rewtin
Arownd yew, and er hee shud talk er hoshun
Ter waik snaik fur dinnur, and shud napp yew;
Hee'd spfie the bewty uv yer deevens spyne.
And yew sud hee er gorner.

Norfolk, Va., December, 1861